ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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