I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize