Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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