coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
