Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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