I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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