Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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