I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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