Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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