the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize