peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
