You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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