i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
