Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize