I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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