I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
