i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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