ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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