After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
