I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
