I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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