I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
