Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
