Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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