Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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