It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
