i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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