i don't like sucking hair
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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