I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize