I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
