god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's get the cat blown out
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
