Kiss
Puke
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
