I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
