The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
