You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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