Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
