I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can you repeat that, but with context?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
