I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
