Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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