Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
