Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
