chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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