I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Randomize
