does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
