I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's rum buckets o'clock
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize