Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
