Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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