Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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