I understand Curling. That high.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
