just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
