I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
