My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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