He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
