we made out on top of his cat.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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