Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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