he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
