after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize