pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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