rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
