why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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