She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
