I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
