he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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