she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
