I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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