She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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