no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
