You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We are all done wearing pants today
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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