i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I looked at my own cervix.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
