it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I want is dick and wine.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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