i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
