Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize