just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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