I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you had me at cake vodka
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
