The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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