in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
