You just made me feel so damn special
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
