Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize