Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
