my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize