i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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