YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize