I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
