just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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