So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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