you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
