I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
