in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
