I want to walk on stilts...naked
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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