just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
