Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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