If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
