loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
