I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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