I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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