We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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