it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
