i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
