well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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