somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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