i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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