by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
