DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
